Monday, May 26, 2008

Bra shopping made simple!!

What Religion is Your Bra?

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."

"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

"Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?"

"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.

"Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose."

Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied:

"There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?"

Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.

The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple..."

The Catholic type supports the masses.

The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen,

The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and

The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills.

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?

If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!

(A} Almost Boobs...

{B} Barely there.

{C} Can't Complain!

{D} Dang!

{DD} Double dang!

{E} Enormous!

{F} Fake.

{G} Get a Reduction.

{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up !

They forgot the German bra.


Monday, May 12, 2008

Before I was a MOM!!

Before I was a Mom,
I never tripped over toys
or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not
my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind
and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child
so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night
watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small
could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom,
I didn't know the feeling of
having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel
to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond
between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small
could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
the joy,
the love,
the heartache,
the wonderment
or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,
before I was a Mom.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Happy early Mothers Day!!

Real Mothers don't eat quiche; they don't have
time to make it.

Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils
are probably in the sandbox.
Real Mothers often have sticky floors, filthy
ovens and happy kids.

Real Mothers know that dried play dough doesn't
come out of shag carpets.
Real Mothers don't want to know what the vacuum
just sucked up.

Real Mothers sometimes ask 'Why me?' and get
their answer when a little
voice says, 'Because I love you best.'

Real Mothers know that a child ' s growth is not
measured by height or
years or grade... It is marked by the
progression of Mama to Mom to

> >4 YEARS OF AGE - My Mommy can do anything!

8 YEARS OF AGE - My Mom knows a lot! A whole

12 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother doesn't really know
quite everything.

14 YEARS OF AGE - Naturally, Mother doesn't know
that, either.

16 YEARS OF AGE - Mother? She's hopelessly

18 YEARS OF AGE - That old woman? She's way out
of date!

25 YEARS OF AGE - Well, she might know a little
bit about it.

35 YEARS OF AGE - Before we decide, let's get
Mom ' s opinion.

45 YEARS OF AGE - Wonder what Mom would have
thought about it?

65 YEARS OF AGE - Wish I could talk it over with

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she
wears, the figure that she
carries, or the way she combs her hair. The
beauty of a woman must be seen
from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to
her heart, the place where
love resides. The beauty of a woman is not in a
facial mole, but true
beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It
is the caring that she
lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and
the beauty of a woman with
passing years only grows!